| soooo |
[30 Aug 2005|11:42am] |
from now on im not ognna b using this livejournal anymore
im gonna move to
www.livejournal.com/users/cupcaketheif
so yeah
add me u guys
or ask to b added
idk
ilike my new lj so yeah
i think itll work out fine
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| new lj |
[27 Aug 2005|02:01pm] |
i got a new lj
i get a new one every year
this ones for junior year
junior!
eeeee!
scary!
well its
www.livejournal.com/users/cupcaketheif
u should go c
im gonna b friends only i think
yeah
so idk
my friend altons trying to make me audition for grease at cathedral
:/
idk if i should
i dont have anything better to do
but i suck extremely at singing
eek
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| destructive |
[27 Aug 2005|01:18am] |
i cant like
stop crying
idk y
well yea i do
i saw the picture of my mom i posted a couple weeks ago and broke down
im trying to b as normal as possible but its so hard
trying not to cry when i think of things or when i see things
and i still have that damn way of thinking that shes coming back
that this is all a dream
if it was,o god i would love to wake up and see her and hug her and talk to her
its true you really really dont know what you have until you lose it
to me, i had the best mother in the world, and now shes gone and ill never see her again
it makes me feel lonely because its summer. this is when i would spend the most time with her becuase it was always me and her in the mornings till my dad got home
and even tho im doing things it feels fake
like i know what i would b doing if everything had gone right
but i guess it was just her time
but even that was too soon
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| i hope they do |
[25 Aug 2005|11:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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radios in heaven...plain white t's |
] |
Your time has already come and I don't know why
The last thing that I had heard
you were doin' just fine
It seems like just yesterday
I was laughing with you
Playing games at Grandma's house
well you taught me well, didn't you?
I hope I'm just like you
Do they have radios in heaven?
I hope they do
'Cause they're playing my song on the radio
And I'm singing it to you
You left before I had a chance to say goodbye
But that's the way life usually is
it just passes you by
But you can't hold on to regrets and you can't look back
So I'll just be thankful for the times that I had with you
I hope I'm just like you
Do they have radios in heaven?
I hope they do
'Cause they're playing my song on the radio
And I'm singing it to you
If they don't have radios in heaven
here's what I'll do
I can bring my guitar when my time is up and I'll play it for you
Tell me can you hear me now
if not, then I can try to sing real loud
What's it like up on the other side of the clouds?
I hope I'm just like you
I hope I turn out to be as good as you
*plain white t's*
that song makes me cry
its weird
i do really well when i dont think about things
and then when i start thinking i get bad
this sucks
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| a structural change |
[22 Aug 2005|06:15pm] |
| [ |
music |
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my chemical romance |
] |
so yea
friday and saturday
the things for my mom
she didnt even look like herself
ugh
but i do have to go on
it hurts but i do and i knw i do
today i found aletter writen in spanish to me by my mom
i think she wrote it when i was little because the papers all fragile
so im gonna translate it and then type it
idk
o
i got my gwen camera saturday!
omg so exsited!
it was my gift from my mom
she ordered it before she went to alaska
which makes thew camera 100000 times more special to me
well i should go
i gotta clean
and shower
i smell
.
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[16 Aug 2005|11:36pm] |
today i hung around the house a little
uhm went with my cousin to the eagle rock plaza so he bought me shoes for my birthday
their kool
well i think so
then uhm...o yea
brenda, mr.oh, brendas friends, analyse and nicole took me out to the cheesecake factory for dinner for my birthday
that was kool it made me forget stuff
they made me a box with stuff in it and gave me a rose...it was the best
i dread tomorrow
only because my moms not here to share it with me
but i have to go on
me and my cousin dago decided on taking drivers ed together
and then his friend wants to do it with us too so yeah
i get my moms honda
so ill b driving this year
wo0t in a way
yeah so tomorrow in the morning i go with my daddy to forest lawn to get everything out of the way
then alecks house
then my tias
ehh
good luck to myself
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| trapped in a box |
[16 Aug 2005|12:00am] |
things have been going ok i guess
it still hurts
i got pictures of me and my mom to make into a collage
that broke me again
but then i like had to get ready to go to the meeting at skool
people told me not to go but i like needed to get away
when i was going up in the elevator with my cousin i kept shaking and we were laughing because it was so hard for me to go up to that floor knowing that everyone knew
so i go up there and i could feel the stares
i guess thats y i was quiet during the meeting
idk
when we were leaving in the elevator my cousin was like "i like ur necklace" and i was like "thanks my mom got it for me in alaska" and i just felt everyone looks at me like "omg did she just say that"
ehh
for my birthday i had been wanting tht hp limited edition gwen stefani camera...i bugged about it so much...i wanted it so bad...and today i found out tht my mom had been looking for it because it was gonna b my birthday present...tht shocked me...i never expected it...but they couldnt find any more...when i came back from the meeting they found one...its weird because like ive learned so much about her as a person and things she wanted to do since shes died and it only makes me miss her more
i told monica that i envy everyone who has a mother
because they dont know how tuff it is
and ya me and my mom got into fights but they were so stupid
we knew we loved each other and i guess if i hadnt gotten to talk to her friday i would be a bigger wreck
idk
it felt good that no one really rushed up to me at skool today...i didnt want it...i got the looks but that was ok...the hugs were good too...just to knw everyones there is good...yeah
sorry people but i have to tell you now...if i like break down in front of u guys...im sorry...im like a time bomb..im fine for a while and then boom...there i go...i have my moments...but i guess im just not good at expressing myself...ya...not good at all
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| "call me tomorrow" |
[14 Aug 2005|02:25pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
] |
friday august 12, 2005, 3:41 pm
me: hey
her: hey
me: uhm theres a mandatory meeting monday and so i was...
her: wait wht?
me: theres a meeting
her: i have to pay something?
me: no, a meeting! where are you at?
her: the airport...you know what, call me back tomorrow i dont feel good
me: ok bi
her: bye i love you
me: love you too
::about an hour and a half later she "put her head down and died"::
it hurts to much to explain...shopping for a casket for your own mother at 15 breaks your heart...knowing that every morning, every day is going to be different for the rest of your life
knwing that now, i have to go shopping with someone else, now i have to buy a dress for my cousins wedding with my sister, i wish i had the brains enough to tell her to go to the doctor when i was on the phone with her
but my dad said that everyone told her to, she was just too fucking hardheaded...just like everyone else in our family...she said "i want to get the hell out of canada im not oging to the doctor"
so on the plane ride back to los angeles, she put her head down and just, died
within 5 minutes of being up in the air
they turned the plain around and took her back to canada
so she never got to go back home
my tias said she was so happy when i called her that day..it just kills me to know that thats the last time ill ever hear her voice...the last time i saw her face was two weeks ago...i dont even remember what she sounds like
idk what im gonna do
they brought me back from camp on friday, att hat time i didnt know what was going on, no one would tell me, not naomi, not even her brother when i called to c wht had hapened...i knew something was wrong
got to my sisters house, got out of the car and asked naomi why the hell we came back home..she hugged me and whispered "we all love you shannon" and my sister came outside
my dad came home last night...it hurts so much to c him in so much pain "what am i gonna do without my adela" i didnt knw what to tell him..just that we need to stay strong
him: "well, its me and you against the world kiddo"
me: "yea, but we'll take 'em..."
walking into this house, my dad going into that big bed alone, it tears me apart inside..seeing him break down...she was everything to everyone
shes never ognna c me garduate high school, college,get married, nothing
i feel so alone even tho i know im not
this is just really shocking
i still think shes coming home, that shes ognna walk in thru my door saying "goddamit shannon" with my cell phone bill in her hand or something
but ill never hear that from her again
♥ forever
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| oooooooooh...a-lei-lei! |
[11 Aug 2005|12:16am] |
| [ |
music |
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a lei lei .... camp song foo |
] |
im bored singing camp songs to myself
and dreading tomorrow
but o well
i gotsta live with it
its not as bad as i make it seem either i dont think
i just get sick of not being able to c all my friends n stuff
im beginning to get some mental illness where all i can think about is camp songs..bad food...and making sandwiches
haha
plus..there was some problems with some peoples last week
and naomi said iwas stupid for not going the first session
and i agreed
o well
when i come back itll b my birfday and at least ill have something to b happy about
♥
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| you dont c... |
[09 Aug 2005|12:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sunday girl....blondie |
] |
so i came today for a funeral
after the funeral found out my abuelita..shes not really my abuelita but i caleld her that....well she was in the hospital and they idnt think she was gnna make it so we went there too to comfort people...bad day...then i went to...the aadf show...AWESOME...i fell in love with some guy from a band...my god...*melt*...geez...i almost went crazy lol...jay kay...analyse met someone...it was cute...lol...um im here till thursday and idk wht else to say haha
♥
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| i break in 2 over you |
[02 Aug 2005|11:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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from autumn to ashes....autumns monologue |
] |
so tomorrow i go back for 6 more days
argg i got so used to being here i didnt wanna leave!
arg!
today i went to GHS with alecks and we met stinky and danyo and val there, i met danyos chick, and stinkys old one and future one lol, but i didnt get to meet tht one guy....
lol
anyways
then me alecks val stinky and danyo went to the mall
ricky met us there..mark too kinda
then we went to hot topic
ish went down...kidding
stinky and ricky left after like 10 minutes
then the rest of us ventured to mac where i bought the most awesome make up ever!
lol
.
uhm
then a.e. then movies
danyo left home
so the rest of us saw sky high
lmfao
everything is better with mark alecks and val
so it was fun
now im here
dreading tomorrow a little
lol
at least i gots friends
ok gonna go now
♥
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| call me after dark |
[01 Aug 2005|07:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
le tigre....after dark |
] |
i got home today from campo
i go back in 2 days
it was kool
it makes me forget about alot of stuff but like at the same time it makes me think alot about things
confusing but good
yeah
so there was this litte 8 year old in the angels unit
omg
SO CUTE
she kept calling me sharon but i didnt have the heart to tell her tht wasnt my name
and one counselor thought i was alyssa which was funny
but awesome at the same time haha
so yea
the little girl was so adorable
idk
it was fun
im probly gonna get sick of it at some point tho
whtever
lol
♥
im home!
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| this could b.... |
[25 Jul 2005|07:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the all american rejects |
] |
so tomorrow i leave for camp
im having mixed feelings and idk y ... its like..ive been there before so its weird
today jackii came over and we talked about some peoples we dnt really care for
we didnt talk shit calm down...geez i swear...we were just tlaking about it
then mark and alecks came over and we made spaghetti
we had a "candle light" dinner it was awesome
we laughed ALOT and jackii is now knwn as punani
lmao
then danyo and stinky came over and we were acting stupid like always...yeah
then dinner with the grma
and now here
confused aobut wht to do about him
and trying to pack at the same time
i hope i have fun and like, all this confusedness goes away and i could just figure out wht the hell im going to do
idk
i want a prince charming
because i want someone to hold me
and kiss me
and look at me
and make me weak
in the good ways
♥
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| be a bunnys honey |
[24 Jul 2005|02:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 curious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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bright eyes,...lua |
] |
so i saw a peta dvd yesterday
and i cried
it was fucking horrible
im never ever wearing or buying fur
the chick frm le trigre is right...theres plenty of fake furs to go around y do people demand actual fur
the way their skinned is horrible
its like killing your best friend
y would u want to wear ur best friends skin? its disgusting
plus..their skinned...and then left there...still alive...to die...so that rich assholes can get their fix
ewww
so im trying not to eat meat
trying the best i can
because having those images in my head and then going and buying a burger is nasty
and thats all for today
♥
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| im not ok...i promise |
[21 Jul 2005|06:35pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
] |
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music |
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my chemical romance |
] |
so ok this has been bugging me
my sister picks me up from the metro stop today and im like "o u look nice wht did u do today" and she goes
"o i went to lunch with claudia yahir monica paola and dago" and im like "thts kool" shes like "yea they took me out for my birthday"
so like right after i heard tht i felt really bad because i wasnt invited, tht probly sounds incredibly selfish but like, it was her birthday lunch so all the cousins go except uh, the sister?
i woulda dropped whtever i was doing
so this makes me feel like shit
but its not like i can really say anything cuz my mom will just tell me to get over it but i cant idk y
it just hurts
:/
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| ....... |
[21 Jul 2005|04:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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brand new.. |
] |
so yesterday was how do i put this...FUCKING AWESOME!!!!
alkaline trio concert was the best, this ott guy was standing next to me and he started to talk to me *melt* he looked like a young elvis but he was gorgeous and he had green blue eyes and black hair....not like emo style or anything like tht which i liked...and he was shy..it was so cute..lol...it was alecks first concert it feels special to take her to it lol...we were in the second pit so we were still really close and we were at the very front so people kept hitting us and stuff cuz they wanted to get where we were but...were tough cookies...we beat them down haha...i actually bit a guy...and elbowed him it was crazy status...well he was being an asshole with me so screw tht lol...me and alecks kept blowing kisses to matt skiba who is also flippin hott *melts* and he saw us and pointed, smiled, then waved, i coulda died right there lol...alecks was all happy i loved it...then we went home...no more hott elvis guy lol maybe we'll meet again...riight...so then she slept over and we called val and decided to meet up to go to trade tech with julio so he can sign up for a class and so itll b like old times cuz i miss last summer...we got there this morning and like everyone from the other class was there which was both good and bad...not very comfy i must say...well i saw tina and we hugged and our hearts met lol and then we talked about camp lol it was awesome i thought...then just weirdness nad kinda anger but whtever im trying to block it...then alecks julio val yancy and i went to king taco in pasadena and then hung out in urban for a while...then came home...fun fun fun...
damn this is long
bi
♥
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| go ahead as u waste ur days with thinking |
[20 Jul 2005|12:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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AAR...tehe |
] |
so monday was....well...interesting i guess u could say...i went to the movies with ervyn so theres some weirdness kinda sorta idk...then i went to dinner with my grma...then i went to tht citadel place with my mom, cousin chata, her baby diego, and my tia lupe...i bought 2 shorts...ehhh...yesterday marky, jackii, daniel and george came over...we took pictures for the mr.oh project me and marky r working on then we just acted stupid...marky and jackii left and me daniel and george all feel asleep for 2 hours..it was kinda funny...today i have to go to the doctor to get somethin filled out for camp and then alkaline trio concert with alecks...wo0t w0ot!...lol...yeah idk y but this morning i was like lying in bed and thinking about the memories i had frm camp and its weird ive never been up there with a friend but ive always made some so i guess im kool with alecks not being able to go..im just scared the other c.i.t's r gonna b all stuck up...but then there would b some good lj talk when i gt home... >.< ... lol jk ... well naomis gonna b there so im not too worried and my cousin monicas gonna b working there at the same time too which will b kool..idk how i feel right now...idk im just like going frm topic to topic i knw but like idk...i got lied to...which ya alot of people lie but like when it comes frm a specific person about something it kinda hurts ya knw?...i just bleh i hate it...i made a new friend saturday kinda sorta...well he was already my friend but ya idk...i went to my cousins wedding shower and my cousin dago and his friend mark was there and we talked alot for some reason and then he said if any boy messes with me he's gonna fuck them up lol...i laughed...idk...he's kool...glad he's my friend...so ive been listening to the all american rejects alot lately for some reason...idk..i like them and im proud haha...alecks says she likes how im proud so ill proclaim it form now..hehe...well this is extremely long so ill go now
♥
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| blast da sterio bitches |
[17 Jul 2005|10:57pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
some hip hop song on tv |
] |
thursday = fun times with amrky alecks and jackii
this week = fun times i think
tomorrow = movies
tuesday = idk yet
wend = alakline trio concerto!
thursday = idk yet
friday = six flags maybe baby
saturday = six flags maybe if not friday
so.....anyone wanna hang before i go up to camp next tuesday?
lol
i come back fo sho on my birthday :/
lol
the big one dash six
♥
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| id give u diamonds |
[12 Jul 2005|12:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
la |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
dramarama...anything anything |
] |
uhm
my cousins frm mexico r here
bleh
oh
sunday...went shopping with alecks...we "hit" the clearance sections! thts how we do
and we just tlaked alot, about everything
we ate at islands and talked
i like tlaking to her
and for some reason it seems like whenever me and her go to islands, we get everything out in the open, we tlak about everything n stuff, ya
it sucked cuz marky and jackii werent there :/
then we walked outta island and saw daniel and stinky (george)
we called them and acted like stalkers, then they saw us but we couldnt hang out with them cuz they were going to the movies
so then we went home, i was there for like 5 minutes and my mom called me and told me i was going out with my cousins
me, monica, dago, rene, ashley, niki, jorge, romel
all of us
we saw batman and i loved it tehe
monday the cousins again went to six flags
it was kool
i liked X the best i think
it was funny cuz we were all hanging out n stuff ya idk then we all got soaked at night in those sutpid water rides...dago flippin drenched me tht asshole
then the people there made us watch the parade
haha no one watches it, its funny
ya
i cant wait to go back cuz ima go with friends
jackii! we gotta figure out whos going!
lol
today i think i have to go to fucken city walk with my cousins :/
i dont wanna
but i think my moms ognna make me
argg man argg
well this is long
♥
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| so vile |
[10 Jul 2005|11:51am] |
well jimmy boy and my neices and nephew left today
it was sad
even my dad cried
i guess cuz my nephew and brother left
and he got close to my nephew cuz my nephew loved my dad to death nd always wanted to b around him
and i cried cuz my brother cried and he makes me cry lol
so this sucks
my cousins frm mexico r here and r staying here
i dont get my bed for another week
damn
its already been 2!
so were cleaning like little house women
haha
so i gotta go clean
then hopefully go shopping with alecks mark and jackii
♥
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